There's something so secret and special in early pregnancy; you have this life growing safe inside your belly, no one else knows unless you tell them, it's your secret. I'm not the kind who likes to keep my pregnancies secret- I want the support and the low warm hum that seems to come from people when they know you're pregnant. I need it. ..well, the support..the hum is more of an idea or a feeling.
I want to document a bit of this pregnancy, for my family to read later if they wish, and maybe to help provide some support to other new moms or moms-to-be on just one version of a "normal" pregnancy.
Bear with me, it's been a while, it may take me a few paragraphs to get my voice back.
1st trimester, for me, was really a mixed bag. I was loving-LOVING!!! the little being growing from a poppy seed to an avocado, but there were so many crazy hormonal changes taking place- I think maybe more so than with my first baby- and I just couldn't keep up. I was exhausted (note: I am breastfeeding my 1st child, so that adds a bit to the exhaustion), cranky, on-edge, lonely, morning-sicky (mostly nausea), bored, over-reacty, uninspired and flying through cravings left and right. Can you understand, that these feelings might leave a girl a bit depressed?
Plus, it's hard in a new town, with not very many friends. Especially when those friends all HAVE LIVES!!!! BRATS!!!!! ..you know who you are! ;-P So, depending on friends to keep you cheerful is not very wise.
I had my good moments, in that first trimester. It wasn't all crazy-hormone-driven feelings. My sweet little Sunshine boy, now just over 20 months old, loves to poke at our bellies- we told him early on that there was a tiny baby growing in Mommy's belly. When he came to the birth center appointment with us to listen to the heartbeat, he walked around, pointing to all of the pieces of equipment that Ruth, my midwife, used and making the "whoosh-whoosh" sound, really authentically. When Ruth commented on how well he can imitate and looked at him and asked "would you come and work for me in a few years? You could be my apprentice!" He looked up at her, considered for a moment, and then shrugged one shoulder and gave a half smile. It was very sweet. Now every time we mention the tiny baby in Mommy's belly, our Sunshine boy lifts my shirt, pokes my belly and makes the "whoosh-whoosh" sound again. Such a sweet boy!
I had some interesting cravings in my first trimester. A few of the jalapeno cravings, like I did with my first baby, and definite cheeseburger and general junk-food cravings. Majorly craved bear claws for a little while. I craved fish for a little while, but am not very good at preparing it, so that didn't last too long. Since the change to the second trimester, my appetite has been down and I haven't REALLY craved anything. Kinda strange.
Also, a little strange- my morning sickness ickiness was just nausea in the 1st trimester, just for a few weeks, then in the last couple weeks of the 1st trimester, toothbrushing really got...dangerous for me. :-/ Gagging, throwing up...just a couple times, but memorable since I am NOT a puker.
Anyway, once the second trimester really kicked in I felt much better- more energized, happier, more relaxed...happier... :-) That was necessary. I really needed it.
I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant. We are planning on finding out the gender of our baby. We are not so patient to wait, and I KNOW our relatives are even less patient. :-) Who could blame them?
We are going to The Birth Center in Fair Oaks. It is about an hour and 10 minutes away, but considering I labored for about 8 days with back labor for our Sunshine boy before finally getting into active labor on the final day I was allowed (I went the full 2 weeks past my due date, which had already been extended a week because earlier they had shortened it by a week after viewing an early ultrasound done at Kaiser) before being referred to a hospital for induction, I don't think an hour and 10 minutes will be that big of a deal. I, of course, have no idea how this birth will go, but having been through a long, relatively easy (compared to what I thought it would feel like) labor already, I think I have the advantage this time. The Bradley Birthing classes Alex and I took for that last pregnancy helped incredibly. I don't think I could have had a natural birth without them, and we will definitely use the skills learned then at this birth.
I have so much more research to do on how we can involve our Sunshine boy in the birth of his baby brother or sister, tandem nursing, how to make a smooth transition to a "big boy bed", and of course, on bringing the second baby home.
I HOPE I will have the brains and energy (all at the same time) to make a lot of meals ahead of time to freeze, like my friend, Ashley is doing (she is a trimester ahead of me). I should start now, too, because I know this energy will fade in the third trimester. I need to do a bit of research on the best kind of meals to freeze. I've always wanted to do that anyway, but never really have.
I want to update this blog more often too. I really do have so much to talk about, and it helps me figure things out when I can type them out and reread them later. Like Dumbledore's pensieve. There's a lot going on in there and sometimes, some thoughts need a break.
And my fingers need a break now.
Take care, friends!